Twas The Night Before Sailor's
Christmas
By Gerald Ewing
T’was the night before Christmas, I swung
on the hook
With snowflakes a’landing, asleep with my
book
When up on the deck I heard footsteps and
stuff
“I’ve been boarded!” I thought, and I tried
to be tough
Then down the companionway hatch came a
dude
He was dressed like a nut and I thought,
“I’m so screwed”
But he laughed and he hummed as he surveyed
my junk
So I figured he must be the resident
drunk
His eyes were lit up like a junkie on
speed
But he gave me a whole bunch of stuff that
I need
Like rum and cigars and new charts and a
dinghy
And some kind of fancy electrical
thingy
I knew it was stolen but I wasn’t
telling
I just hoped he was giving and wasn’t just
selling
And I poured him a grog which he downed
with a wink
Then I poured one for me (Lord I needed a
drink!)
Then he staggered above to the dark snowy
night
As I peeked I beheld an incredible
sight
Eight tiny dolphins and a beautiful
sleigh
And the dude hopped aboard and prepared to
make way
The dolphins were ready to power the
sled
But the guy raised a genny and mains’l
instead
With a burp and a chuckle he gathered the
breeze
And called to the dolphins, now swimming
with ease
“Hey Stalker and FEMA and Cancer and
Nixon!
Or Stinky and Pepper Spray, Mason, and
Dixon!
Or whatever your names are, you cute little
fishes,
Here’s to every last sailor, my best
Christmas wishes!”
As he sailed away leaving a wobbly
wake
I hoped he had not many stops left to
make
He got close to shore and he soon was
aground
But the dolphins proceeded to pull him
around
And I heard him exclaim as he sailed out of
sight
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a
goodnight!”