Merry Christmas Everyone!

Twas The Night Before Sailor's Christmas

By Gerald Ewing

T’was the night before Christmas, I swung on the hook

With snowflakes a’landing, asleep with my book

When up on the deck I heard footsteps and stuff

“I’ve been boarded!” I thought, and I tried to be tough

Then down the companionway hatch came a dude

He was dressed like a nut and I thought, “I’m so screwed”

But he laughed and he hummed as he surveyed my junk

So I figured he must be the resident drunk

His eyes were lit up like a junkie on speed

But he gave me a whole bunch of stuff that I need

Like rum and cigars and new charts and a dinghy

And some kind of fancy electrical thingy

I knew it was stolen but I wasn’t telling

I just hoped he was giving and wasn’t just selling

And I poured him a grog which he downed with a wink

Then I poured one for me (Lord I needed a drink!)

Then he staggered above to the dark snowy night

As I peeked I beheld an incredible sight

Eight tiny dolphins and a beautiful sleigh

And the dude hopped aboard and prepared to make way

The dolphins were ready to power the sled

But the guy raised a genny and mains’l instead

With a burp and a chuckle he gathered the breeze

And called to the dolphins, now swimming with ease

“Hey Stalker and FEMA and Cancer and Nixon!

Or Stinky and Pepper Spray, Mason, and Dixon!

Or whatever your names are, you cute little fishes,

Here’s to every last sailor, my best Christmas wishes!”

As he sailed away leaving a wobbly wake

I hoped he had not many stops left to make

He got close to shore and he soon was aground

But the dolphins proceeded to pull him around

And I heard him exclaim as he sailed out of sight

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!”